New Forex Stuff - Multicurrency Trend Detector indicator ...

Dear Redditors, Please read to avoid my mistakes

Hi there,
Please don't be discouraged about me being a new account. I am a reader, its just in my nature to not really post anything, i tend to just lurk around. And looking at other threads/posts I know how you guys don't really take new accounts serious.
Im a 24 year old sinology bachelor, currently studying for one year in Kunming, China at the Yunnan Normal University. My story with bitcoins began like 7 years or so ago when my father showed me an article about bitcoins. quite new back then. He though it was worth getting interested in the technology but back then I didnt really have anything to invest, not did i really care that much for investment(lifes good when you have nothing but games on your mind)
I finally wanted to get into bitcoins around 4 years ago, i think it was the time when one bitcoin was around 800 dollars. I wanted to invest the money I had saved up over the years, i didnt really travel, had no real expenses just earned some money here and there in online games, especially Entropia Universe(which was kinda a virtual casino back in the good days, had a lot of luck too :)) I had just began my Chinese studies in Poland. At first my investment was a complete horror, i couldnt focus, couldnt do anything really but to check the bitcoin prices. But the price kept going up, which did make me happy, up untill 1200... when it crashed. I did panic sell as soon as I realized what had happened, did make a small loss, but looking further i did the right thing as bitcoin had crashed to 200 dollars, couldve been much worse. I had lost confidence in bitcoin, despite having read a ton about it all i really wanted was some inner peace, as it was nerve wrecking. 2 years later I once again decided to get into bitcoins, the price was at around 400 dollars, still cheaper than at what I had bought it at first. However, I used the polish exchange bitcurex. I had invested around 20000 polish zloty, which at that time was around 6600 dollars i believe. I never sent the bitcoins to a wallet because in the back of my head kept lurking the situation from 2 years before, that i might be forced to panic sell to avoid huge losses. That was a mistake the exchange shut down, along with my investment. As you can probably imagine, it took me a long time to get over the fact. I did my best to totally avoid anything bitcoin related, begged others to never mention them to me again.
I did get over it... untill it exploded. The prices After the news of Japan legalizing it just kept going up, it became ridiculous, i wanted to get back in but in the back of my head kept lurking the crash from 2014, mentally disabling me. Guess how I felt constantly calculating what i could have had, basically allowing me to live my life without any financial worries. Every day it just destroyed me. I became obsessed with the bitcoin price, hating myself for not doing anything. I didn't really save up much more since the time of the bitcurex shut down but I did have an euro savings account which my grandmother set up for an emergency. There was around 4000 euro on it, it took me a while but seeing as the price surged upwards i just figured it might be better invested in bitcoins, of course knowing that IF something happens im sure I could figure a way to get the money back. This time i chose bitmarket.pl also a polish exchange accepting euros, also easy to get into, you can transfer money into the exchange after verifying with your passport. I did of course read a lot about the exchange making sure it wont let me down like bitcurex. The fear of the crash in the back of my head got weak as i justified the price rise to japans legalization and didnt really think that a crash could happen. I was convinced it would keep going up not down. And it did go up, again I couldnt focus on absolutely anything but the bitcoin price, totally obsessed with graphs, every news and so on. After a few stressfull days, i kept getting calmer as i already was having a profit. But, the price crashed again, and again i sold, again with a loss. Well, discouraged again, i hated myself for trusting bitcoins, and i hated bitcoins, mainly because of the mass of nerve wrecking pain they gave me, feeling it everywhere, from head to toe, nerves going haywire.
Anyways, the last part, bear with me, this is where the shit hits the fan. Since the first crash after japan i took a break, again. I didnt think the stress was worth any amount of money, seriously, it destroyed me and consumed me. I did not withdraw the money from the exchange as i wanted to wait for the crash to settle and maybe buy back in. Although I was ready to withdraw right away really, i kept holding... cash :p. It didnt seem right to withdraw less than I invested. I became obsessed with graphs, with bitcoin news. Staring at the damn things for hours, checking them as soon as i remember. They were there, in the back of my head.... all the time. i figured it wasnt worth it, i knew how much it would consume me if i had money invested and I had just a few months to finally get my bachelors degree. I observed the market over the next months, hurting inside for not doing anything, but i was happy without the stress these things gave me over the years, maybe it was meant to be. But... end of october i came across the news about yet another hard fork, the mid november fork. It seemed obvious to me that the price would go up so I once again, one month ago, decided to finally just go for it again. This time using a feature of the exchange, the forex. I called all my friends and family and scraped together around 21k polish zloty. For that I bought my bitcoins at around 23.5. I used the exchange for a loan so in total i had 150k invested. It went well, thankfully, and as soon as i heard of the fork cancelling i decided to sell and be done with it. It was a success, I was happy for making some money, happy i could share with friends and family. Feeling i god damn deserved a reward for all the stress and time invested in this. Finally feeling a sense of accomplishment.
However, my current studies in China suffered majorly, again... couldnt really focus on these damn chinese characters. Its nowhere near as much as it could have been with the funds lost to bitcurex, hell i probably could also show off with a tesla right now(which i most definitely would not have, i had other plans, moving to new zealand) I was done there and then, but i kept looking at the graphs, seeing the crash, then the huge rise, then the news and this super legends prediction of 15k by the end of this year. After 10k people stopped believing in a crash, even here on the reddit forums.. I decided to go for it again, i waited a long time though, the bitcoin price was at 9800 dollars when i decided to buy in again. It hurt, considering i could have done it earlier, but i was so stressed out i needed the rest, even if it meant not making money. But the guilt of not acting got to me. Trying to make up for lost time and having imagined the possibilities what could be achieved with a bigger amount of money i invested everything i earned from the previous gains. I again set up the forex, investing a total of 300k. It didnt seem real to me that any real crash on the polish exchange could happen. By the time finex reached 10500 the polish exchange was still like 3k polish zloty behind, which did seem like a lot. It was even more for the japanese, which was over 5k ahead. It seemed like a good time to go in. So I did, this time confident, after the polish exchange price went from 35k to 39k i didnt really think it could affect my loans. Then I saw the crash happening, the huge red candle. like 4000 bitcoins sold on finex in just a minute. I saw it from minute 1, being obsessed with graphs Ive been staring at them most of the time for the past weeks, ... huge candle, still time to sell on the polish exchange... and then my VPN disconnected (Nord VPN), all i managed to sell was one forex order before the disconnect, it didnt take long for it to reconnect but it was too late, the polish exchange went nuts, absolutely nuts, the price dropped from 39k to 31k in less than 5 minutes, it was so clogged that I barely could refresh the site. What does that mean for me? Well, all my loans got cancelled, within 5 minutes, i went from almost 2 bitcoins to 0, Yeah 5 minutes was all it took for the exchange to lose 1/4 of the price HOW?? it was still at least 5k behind japan and 3k behing america WHY?? And all I really needed for the exchange was to drop 2k less, it all just seemed wrong, so wrong. The exchange is also offline as I write this.
This is a screenshot which i send to my cousin, who also is my best friend shortly before the crash asking if I should sell, http://i68.tinypic.com/28saers.png
what might sound unbelievable, his sister was giving birth, today, so he wasnt here for the crash, nor could he have given me advice, but he was there for the birth of the baby. Its all good though we wanted to put half of the earned bitcoins into an account for the new child, it was my idea too. So the day aint all that bad right? right? Maybe it was all equivalent exchange, I had to lose for it to gain, the price had to be paid? Gotta get these excuses rolling to justify what happened. Here is my conversation with my cousin, i sent him the pic of my bitcoins at basically the same time he told me his sister is giving birth. All just a few minutes before the crash. Its in polish though, if you understand it :p
Now the fun part, i felt relieved, so relieved you cant imagine, these bitcoins consumed my live for the past years, consumed my thoughts, hell i had dates i cancelled because i saw market instability... I felt relieved that there is no way back, so relieved and free from this addiction, unfortunately that feeling didnt last... In the end bitcoins kicked me in the nuts, well, maybe I did myself, maybe the panic sellers on the polish exchange did, maybe the exchange itself manipulated fools like me, hell, i dont really want to think about it anymore, i want my peace of mind, but it aint that easy, not with having lost all my money. I did have plans, but these dont matter anymore, what matters is the money I have promised to others, I do want to pay them back I just think its not fair, not considering how much time, how much stress i invested into them. This cannot be, at least for now I cant comprehend what just happened.
I hope I didnt write too much, it does help though. I just feel i needed to get this out there To all the new guys, loans on exchanges are a dangerous thing, my friend not so long ago lost a ton of money by using them betting on oil prices, should have listened, all it took him was one night to lose all his too. I guess you should listen to the majority and just HODL what you have and be happy with it, and definitely dont waste your nerves like I did, looking back now... I dont know... it seems kinda ridiculous. Oh and the baby, yep, all healthy and ugly.
If you can and believe me, feel free to, if not, good luck either way. I do not plan to continue trading like a did, i just want to lose the sense of extreme loss, its devastating. Its actually 4am here in China, started writing this because I cant really sleep, and probably wont for the night.
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